Lately I have noticed that in my personal life, very few people, in this season, ask anything about ME. Does that sound narcissistic? I hope not for that is not my intent. I have not pushed my way into conversations. I always try to make people feel at ease by engaging them in conversation. I also try to ask open ended questions so that people talk about themselves at times. Yet, sad but true, I have noticed, more often that not, no one asks much about my life, what I am going through, what I think. I am not quite so sure how to write this blog because I want to be transparent but also truthful and not sound like a whining complaining person. You know that type? The ones that say "What about me? What's in it for me" But you are not paying attention to me." I have little patience anymore for that kind of selfish introspection that constantly demands at attention. That is not what I am talking about. :) I am asking God what is the purpose of this - this 'thing' that I find that I constantly encounter.
Each person has significance. No matter how old they are or how young. For instance, my grandson was talking yesterday while we were getting pizza. He was talking about school. This is what he said:
"I want to be a sponger. I want to finish lunch early so that I can ask Mr. Ken if I could have a sponge and be a sponger. So if I eat fast I can get a sponge and wipe down the table and then I get a chance to have lunch with the principal."
That is his world. He lives in this world and to truly partake of this world in depth I have to enter it and engage him right where he is- trying to be a sponger. So I did. I asked him questions about being a sponger. And he talked and I entered his space.
I have noticed in my life that so many I come into contact with are self-centered, self-absorbed, wounded, broken, angry, arrogant, etc. and so much else that either walls are put up to keep you out or many continually talk, rarely listen and care little about my life or anyone else's life and even when I am with them I find that I am there but connect very little with me. I choose not to be like that ever again. I am not passing any generalizations. I know it is not always like that but this season God is showing me this over and over. At first I was a bit discouraged but now choose to just focus on the Lord.
Some of the people closest to me know very little at times what are the desires of my heart. My love and passion for God and my desire to see Rivers of Eden bring glory to His name. So often they have passed judgements against me or presumptions about what I look like or sound like. I can go on and on about this but I will leave it at this. A blog, this blog, is about sharing with honesty and truth, hoping you can relate and be encouraged. I will keep this blog personal and prophetically will speak in other ways through other posts. But now back to this........
A few more things about this. Again I want to say that I choose to make people be encouraged about their uniqueness and individuality. I encourage and challenge creativity in all forms and in all ways. That is the passion of my heart. I love to see the unique and creative ways God makes people and anoints them for His purpose. If you have encountered what I have described above, you know it can hurt deeply. It has hurt me but I am pressing forward. How? By trying to always talk about myself, push this ministry, write about myself and what I do and where I go...........I doubt that. :) But neither will I sink back into oblivion and just sit like some wall flower without any opinion or ideas. I have decided just to be and to BE in sync with the Holy Spirit at all times. I don't try to force anything and I trust God. When I am in a group of people and they shut me out, I don't force my way back in but neither do I become rejected and discouraged. I find that in that situation there is no open door for me to show who I am, who God has made me and I love just the same. But they have lost the moment with me. Sad but true. Not pride but a sense of feeling pretty special to God and all that is in me. I watch and wait but find myself locked out so I wait in silence and confidence to know that I can just BE. This truly has been my life and the life of this ministry for several years now but I can write and smile about it now.
I pray I am making myself clear because as I sit and enjoy a beautiful day i wanted to write about this to just share my heart. This is as prophetic as a 'Thus saith the Lord word". Perhaps this is more prophetic. :) This season of being passed over will end.........but not the way you think. God is changing something inside of me - deeply. He is showing me that He is enough day by day, moment by moment. He is showing me that I live in Him and have my being in Him and move in Him, day by day, moment by moment. :)
So don't cry for me Argentina.........that was so hokey.........but I had to say it. This blog is meant to stir you to a divine acceptance of YOU.......................:)
To get to the place in God to know who you are in God and who God is in you brings you to know that it is all about Jesus. Who truly asked Jesus about himself when He walked the face of the earth? When Jesus was talking about leaving, the Apostles did not ask about Him but instead talked about what place they would be in after He left. The majority of the people did not try to get to know Jesus, but instead wanted what He had for them in healing. So it is today amongst people, too many are more concerned about themselves than about those around them. By the time they are finished talking about their self, they are either too tired or do not have any time to ask the one(s) that listened to them about them.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that God is enough day by day, moment by moment, We must love Him so mush that we live in Him and have our being in Him, day by day, moment by moment.
Love you sweetheart and we are in unity in this thought you say above. Love it.
DeleteSo glad to know I am not alone. I, too, have experienced this more intensely as of late. But, I thank God that I am so special to Him and He created me to be a listener in a world of talkers. Glory to our Most High Abba Papa that He is a great listener, too!
ReplyDeleteAmen. :)
DeleteHave been experiencing the same for a long time, but still moving forward. A co worker asked me one night recently at work about who I was, knowing the walls were up. Well I told her who I was and what I did in him as that is all I care about, she now encourages my using my "gift". With her I know I can, but I don't feel led to share it where it isn't wanted anymore, she asked she received. I was shocked she asked, we shared the majority of the evening. But that has been the only time, one of the things coming to me is they don't recognize Jesus...he is real..we know they don't. I so want to get beyond this............Lately what has changed though is that the churchy ones are more open than the forerunners who act like they have an exclusive on what God is doing. He shows me no one does we are meant to work together as one. I so want to experience that............
ReplyDelete...your statement "they don't recognize Jesus" - deep and true - really struck a note with my spirit - I thought we were through with a transition phase but now Iam rethinking that. The "new" Jesus is not what was - He is revealing what IS. Bless you for posting your comments.
DeleteBoth comments are good. Dorris, I agree with what you said about the forerunners but if they were true forerunners, they would not be posting, conferencing and making a name for themselves. Please know these are just thoughts I have from reading your post. Nothing you may have said. :) So much stuff out there focuses on iconic personalities that claim to lead the way. Just saying some thoughts from what you said. I have nothing against but you know the forerunners, I believe are still hidden because people do refuse to listen and see. I do not believe that the majority of unsaved people see Jesus in the church at all because the church has been so self-absorbed with all the 'movements' 'revival' 'iconic personalities' etc. Had a vision once about moving against the current while the majority of the church was trying to get the forerunners to go in their direction. It was hard place to be but we finally made it through to find ourselves alone because the church kept going the same way.......BUT God is totally in control and our job is to love and obey with joy. So much to say but just a few thoughts.
DeleteI am - listening! :-) I believe people in those situations are hearing, but they are not actually listening. And maybe this reflects whar they really care about, their main focus. Because what you are genuinely interested in and care about, you give your time and attention. So if you are interested in other people - you listen to them! God bless sister! Hope to see you in Sweden soon!
ReplyDeleteAmen. Thank you!!! I realize that we who are mature and have walked through the fire have to walk in that maturity and walk with patience and understanding and a love that surpasses all understanding. Your insight is wonderful. You know, it helps to blog and get it out and then what does one do? We stand up and keep walking for like Peter (which is my next post) - what are we going to do? We have come so far to follow Him that there is no turning back now so we proceed with joy and allow Him to be our joy and our focus.
DeleteAlso would love to come to Sweden.:)
DeleteYes, my friend, I can totally identify with you and what you have shared here... But the Lord has so become my joy and passion that even when others don't ask me about how I'm doing (especially my family), I feel sad for a moment, and then I remember who I am in Him, and I try to shower them with my care, interest and love instead...
ReplyDeleteI personally feel that many people are so bogged down in living life without His joy that they have lost sight of the reason for their existence. Their souls have become so dried up that it is hard for them to listen to us and ask questions about our lives because they can't relate to those of us who have new life in the Spirit.
I think because many people are holding on to God and religion... and the two do not mix... they are confused when they see someone who loves God without religion and has a joyous relationship with Jesus Christ... It just doesn't fit their paradigm of what life should be like... and they seem afraid to find out...
I hope this makes sense! Blessings in Him!
Hazel, I love you heart and I can relate and totally can also be ministered to by what you have said above. I value your thoughts and your love for God and feel like we are sisters, even never having met. :)
DeleteI could have written that Blog - word for word and the conclusion was exactly what "I came to" this morning. Unfortunately after many years of "setbacks" in every area of life I still find myself falling into discouragement. This is a battle right now but He who sustaines me is ever near. Thank you for posting Debra and if you were physically near here I would listen well.
ReplyDeleteMaggie, it is so good to hear that you can relate. I waited weeks before I posted it, trying to get it 'right' and then suddenly just sat down and wrote so it is a joy to hear your comments.
DeleteHe has shown me we are into a new place or phase. It has been about the Chosen and called but not chosen for a very long time. He is showing me now it is about the church and they are the Gentiles, coming in. I had expected the called but not chosen to be awakened by now, but he says some are stubborn. There is still time for them but I see the gentiles coming in first this will awaken some but not all.
ReplyDeleteThanks Doris for your insight.......very very much. :)
DeleteI just read your post and had to smile. I can so relate. Not only have I learned to be content not being seen or heard or acknowledged, even by my what I consider my closest friends and family--and the fact that some people, co-workers, etc., never remember my name or who I am--I have become sensitive to others who also aren't being seen or heard. I am learning to be the one who sees another...speaks to another...listens. Like you, I stopped trying to fit in places where there was no room. There was no room for Jesus when He came the first time either. Blessings.
ReplyDelete