Lately I have noticed that in my personal life, very few people, in this season, ask anything about ME. Does that sound narcissistic? I hope not for that is not my intent. I have not pushed my way into conversations. I always try to make people feel at ease by engaging them in conversation. I also try to ask open ended questions so that people talk about themselves at times. Yet, sad but true, I have noticed, more often that not, no one asks much about my life, what I am going through, what I think. I am not quite so sure how to write this blog because I want to be transparent but also truthful and not sound like a whining complaining person. You know that type? The ones that say "What about me? What's in it for me" But you are not paying attention to me." I have little patience anymore for that kind of selfish introspection that constantly demands at attention. That is not what I am talking about. :) I am asking God what is the purpose of this - this 'thing' that I find that I constantly encounter.
Each person has significance. No matter how old they are or how young. For instance, my grandson was talking yesterday while we were getting pizza. He was talking about school. This is what he said:
"I want to be a sponger. I want to finish lunch early so that I can ask Mr. Ken if I could have a sponge and be a sponger. So if I eat fast I can get a sponge and wipe down the table and then I get a chance to have lunch with the principal."
That is his world. He lives in this world and to truly partake of this world in depth I have to enter it and engage him right where he is- trying to be a sponger. So I did. I asked him questions about being a sponger. And he talked and I entered his space.
I have noticed in my life that so many I come into contact with are self-centered, self-absorbed, wounded, broken, angry, arrogant, etc. and so much else that either walls are put up to keep you out or many continually talk, rarely listen and care little about my life or anyone else's life and even when I am with them I find that I am there but connect very little with me. I choose not to be like that ever again. I am not passing any generalizations. I know it is not always like that but this season God is showing me this over and over. At first I was a bit discouraged but now choose to just focus on the Lord.
Some of the people closest to me know very little at times what are the desires of my heart. My love and passion for God and my desire to see Rivers of Eden bring glory to His name. So often they have passed judgements against me or presumptions about what I look like or sound like. I can go on and on about this but I will leave it at this. A blog, this blog, is about sharing with honesty and truth, hoping you can relate and be encouraged. I will keep this blog personal and prophetically will speak in other ways through other posts. But now back to this........
A few more things about this. Again I want to say that I choose to make people be encouraged about their uniqueness and individuality. I encourage and challenge creativity in all forms and in all ways. That is the passion of my heart. I love to see the unique and creative ways God makes people and anoints them for His purpose. If you have encountered what I have described above, you know it can hurt deeply. It has hurt me but I am pressing forward. How? By trying to always talk about myself, push this ministry, write about myself and what I do and where I go...........I doubt that. :) But neither will I sink back into oblivion and just sit like some wall flower without any opinion or ideas. I have decided just to be and to BE in sync with the Holy Spirit at all times. I don't try to force anything and I trust God. When I am in a group of people and they shut me out, I don't force my way back in but neither do I become rejected and discouraged. I find that in that situation there is no open door for me to show who I am, who God has made me and I love just the same. But they have lost the moment with me. Sad but true. Not pride but a sense of feeling pretty special to God and all that is in me. I watch and wait but find myself locked out so I wait in silence and confidence to know that I can just BE. This truly has been my life and the life of this ministry for several years now but I can write and smile about it now.
I pray I am making myself clear because as I sit and enjoy a beautiful day i wanted to write about this to just share my heart. This is as prophetic as a 'Thus saith the Lord word". Perhaps this is more prophetic. :) This season of being passed over will end.........but not the way you think. God is changing something inside of me - deeply. He is showing me that He is enough day by day, moment by moment. He is showing me that I live in Him and have my being in Him and move in Him, day by day, moment by moment. :)
So don't cry for me Argentina.........that was so hokey.........but I had to say it. This blog is meant to stir you to a divine acceptance of YOU.......................:)
