Okay back to talking about horses........no I am not done yet talking about confinement and being corralled...............I will be within one week. The page turns for us when we arrive back in California on November 8. A new day and a new season. But until then.................
Confinement can either bring out the best in a person or the worst. It is all about how you perceive the journey. The Master takes us on this journey of separation. He calls us apart and He does it with a pure purpose - to capture our heart and to bring it under total submission to His Lordship. One can't quite experience this when one is running here and there, wild and free, untethered and immature. It is when one enters the corral of their own free will that they realize they have just made a decision that will make or break them, most probably both. This time will break you and then make and form you by God's hand. God gives us a free will and we can leave this place any time we want. I personally did not want to leave because deep inside I knew that this was the path that would lead into greater relams of His presence. Greater suffering, greater glory. No matter how hard it got, no matter how many times I threatened to quit, no matter how much pain............I stayed in confinement and that was all by God's grace. In my weakness, He is strong.
In this place of confinement I want to talk about a few things before I go on to another subject in a few weeks.........today I want to deal with injustice. The injustice that I felt was coming at me, being confined, submitted.....in other words, I did not want to be in that place. Kind of like a little child and a mom talking. Goes something like this.
Child: I want to go out and play.
Mom: You can't go out and play.
Child: But I WANT to go out and play.
Mom: You can't go out and play.
Child: But I WANT TO.
Mom: But you can't.........because I said so.
Injustice. All the time I was in this place, as I was dying a slow death, to me it was not fair. It was not fair that others were moving ahead. It was not fair that I was obscure and hidden. Injustice. Simply not fair and there were days when my attitude showed it. I was angry and hurt for so many weeks. And those around me knew it..............I was not pleasant to be around for my family or friends.
In God's sovereignty, I saw that He brought me to this place. But as I looked around and saw others having so much favor in their lives and ministries, I questioned His love for me in what I considered the injustice of my situation. I can relate this to the bridle and saddle going on the horse perhaps..............these are meant to make a horse able to be tamed and ridden but they don't like it at first. And neither did I. I did not like that I could not have my own way. I just did not like it at all. It hurt. That is all I can say. It hurt so much and so deep.
What was God trying to get at in me? Jealousy, submission, trust.....and some other things. I had to come to that place that no matter where I was or what position I was in, I had to trust God and His sovereign plan for my life. I have to say to each of you that I truly felt inside that I was a radical Christian, sold out for Jesus, knowledgeable in the Word, passionate and wholeheartedly in love with Him. But as I spent time in this wilderness place, I saw that I really did not know what was inside of me. And it is in this place, that what is inside of you truly comes out. Why are we surprised anyway? Who ever said that we were perfect? I was, and I say was, an angry, insecure woman..........in fact let me end with this.
While in this place, God spoke clearly to me one day and simply said this........strong and clear with the voice of a good Father........
"Debra..................do you want to be a Woman of God or a little girl all you life?"
My answer was clear. I want to be a Woman of God. Okay God....................lead on.
Sitting here, doing nothing at the moment, looking out the window in Abu Dhabi, and wondering what to write. How good God is - I heard some great words of wisdom.
"When you have nothing to prove, you have nothing to lose."
Several people have said this to me over the years. When one is in a season of separation by God's hand, one chooses to suffer loss. Choosing to let go. Choosing to fade into the background for as long as the Lord wants so that He is glorified in our lives. I don't hear that preached much today. And if it is preached, quite often it is preached as mere words without substance. Those who truly preach this truth, will walk this truth to bring forth this truth with power. The Body of Christ is in need of much discipline, must like a child needs to be spanked by a good father. I see it coming.
Paul said it best:
Phil 3:7-11
7 But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. 8 Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; 10 that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, 11 if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. NKJV
What is it I see? I see so many people trying to prove something to someone - trying to prove there is revival, trying to prove themselves, their ministry, their reputation...........trying to prove something, anything - for what? Jesus says to find your life, you have to lose your life. It seems to me that most people want to bypass some steps in their walk with God yet reap the benefits.
I don't want to prove anything anymore. I just want to follow Him in submission and humility and with grace as oil flowing down the path that He chooses for me. I am forsaking the fear of man for the fear of the Lord which is the beginning of wisdom. And at the same time, I don't want to respond any more to people always trying to prove something...........................why would I respond right? That would mean I would just join the ranks of trying to prove something to them.......let God do it and let me walk in the anointing that He has for me. I am concerned at the lack of discernment that I see in the Body of Christ and the lack of wisdom and so much more, chasing after one thing and another. I say no. To who? To me and to those I mentor. I say no..................seek God not man. Seek God...........not man.
So where did this come from today? Why am I writing this? In this place of confinement, I am discerning that which is real from that which is false. I am separating the precious from the vile. Watching and observing. I am not released to talk about certain things yet for they are still between God and me and I am seeking the mind of Christ. For those who are anointed to shake things in the coming days, we will indeed be bringing down more golden calves that the Body of Christ is accepting as Christianity but is indeed just more hype, preaching a Gospel that is not Christ centered but man centered.
In this place of confinement, our spiritual senses are HEIGHTENED. They are indeed. You know that old expression..........I could hear a pin drop in a crowded room. That's it folks. Sometimes I hear things and they just don't sound right. They appear to be right but they don't sound right to my inner man. I see things that by outward appearances look right but they aren't right and in my secret place, they conflict with what I know to be true. How am I learning this and how can you learn this? There are no formulas and no quick short cuts..................intimacy with the Lord. Allowing Him to love you, rebuke you, chastise you, anoint you, and so much more.
I would not trade this time in the desert for anything........not anything for they have been glorious for me. I am strong and clear and focused right now. I am strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. I am like that horse that Bill Britton talked about......I am waiting and watching My Master and My Lord and until He says "GO!" I wait.
Selah.
Ready to run........hmmmmmmmm I bet you are. I bet we all are but not quite yet. I am going to keep posting on this wilderness thing for at least 2 more weeks. Why? Well we are transitioning our move away from Abu Dhabi back to the San Francisco Bay Area and I feel that I must write about this while I am still here in Abu Dhabi. Then when I leave this area, I will move onto a new topic which, of course, will be just as interesting because I am thoroughly enjoying this. Thank you for reading this. By the way, before I write more today, please keep us in prayer about whether we are supposed to start a 'work' in California...........a gathering place for Rivers of Eden to advance the kingdom. Onward to write about today. :)
I once heard this statement: God does not call the qualified but qualifies the called. Perfection is only found in Christ Jesus and we are in Him so it goes to figure that we are being perfected along this journey but.....we are not there yet and we work out our salvation day by day. That includes times of testing that hold great relevancy to where exactly God is taking us. We don't always see it when we are IN IT but we actually don't need to. We just need to trust. Trust Him 100%.
The wilderness............hot, dry, lonely, uncomfortable, irritable, anxious, fearful, angry, unforgiving - you choose one or more of the above to describe the emotions you deal with at any given moment. These are being drawn up and out of you and me as we are in this place of confinement. Hey, it is just flat out uncomfortable in this place. In this place, we are exposed to the elements within ourselves. The elements of various emotions or bondages that need deliverance in order for us to walk in a greater level of wholeness and healing. We are being conformed to the image of Christ and He is perfecting us to carry greater weights of His glory.
What else is the wilderness for? So that we come out looking better? No.....................so that He comes out looking better..........IN US and THROUGH US.
The called are qualified in this time and season. We all will endure this time and willingly walk through this time if we are going to carry His glory and walk in greater anointing and authority. There is NO bypassing this no matter how hard we try. He alone qualifies the called with His sovereign plan for each and everyone of us. You me and whoever is willing to enter this fire will see that in order to share His glory we must share His sufferings. Greater sufferings qualify us for greater glory. We will never bypass the cross being worked through our life. Never. So on to something personal that perhaps you can each relate to in this blog. At least I hope so.
My pain, my time. I discovered I did not really trust God. I could quote Scripture. I could revel in the amount of prophecies that had been spoken over me. I could even be a leader but................to bring my trust level up, God separated me to show me that He is faithful and He is enough. He did this in the wilderness for me. I had a plan for my Christian life and I was intent to work my plan..........my way. Thank you Lord! God had another way and because I love Him, I walked His way. Not always with ultimate submission but at least I walked. I was scared.
I can remember times of 'bottoming out' when conflict and tension arose from aligning my expectations into His reality for my life. My expectations and desires simply had to die, sometimes a slow painful death. I had to come face to face with my biggest fear. What was it? That God would simply pass me by. That I was unqualified to be placed into my destiny and purpose. This thought drove me into deep weeks of discouragement where I was surrounded by the devil's lies as he tried hard to make me believe this in many different ways. I was surrounded by a cloud of lost hope and lost dreams and darkness. I walked in a fog for a long time, confined while I saw others passing me by day by day. It hurt and I can still feel the pain right now as I write this but I am doing this for you. Those were lies which I no longer believe. God is faithful. For me and for you.
God never let up. He kept asking me that simple question. "Am I enough?" Each time I answered Him, more seemed to be stripped away from my life. I was indeed being qualified in my call by God, not by man.
There were days, during this time, of deep intercession when the cry of my heart was not verbalized but came forth through a deep groaning in my Spirit. "What do You want from me Lord?" I remember weeks on end crying this out. A river of tears came forth in this time which was opening up a well of life in me.
In answer to the question...."What do You want from me Lord?"
He said "I want YOU!"
Selah
While corralled and constrained by God's hand, one is apt to lose focus unless one purposes in their heart to focus on Him and Him alone. Easier said than done.
Frustration, rebellion, emotional outbursts of anger, unforgiveness, contention, strife - all of these which lie down deep within all of us suddenly come forth. They were hidden if not for the place of confinement which created the perfect scenario for them to come forth and be displayed in order to be repented of and healed within us.
How to say more? My spirit is full right now and I want to say this right but I will forsake perfection and just speak from my heart. When you are confined by God's hand, there will be times when everything outside the corral seems to be better then what you are seeing inside your place of confinement.
But, you see, your sense of confinement, when placed in perfect submission unto the Lord, will actually be your place of perfection and breakthrough.
It is in this place that God hones our peripheral vision away from that which surrounds us, away from comparison and jealousy, and away from looking outside to looking within. Focus on Him and Him alone. Trust in Him and Him alone that He knows where you are, where He has placed you, and what His intentions and purpose for you are in your current place of confinement. Again, easier said than done. Do I have an amen? LIstening..................listening. There I heard it from some of you. I look in hindsight with great wisdom but while going through this the scenario in my life went something like this.
Example: Place a stubborn rebellious 2 year old in a place of confinement as a time of discipline and what does he or she do. Well, I guess it depends on the 2 year old. I was strong willed and rebellious so I threw things, cried, pleaded, begged and even stripped down my bed to nothing one day.......just to get out. But, alas, I did not. So what eventually happened? After much fanfare and outward displays of emotion, I simply submitted to the place I was in and calmed down. My focus was then turned to the room at hand. I guess I must have thought "Okay I am not getting out of here right now so I better must make the best of this." Looking focused on what was at hand allowed me to make use of the time in my confinement.
Now that may seem silly but it is true. Simple and true. A horse that is to be used mightily must learn to be content in the corral and not fight their place of confinement. The restlessness for greater things must die within. The presumptions of what if or what else is there must fall by the wayside. Jealousy over those passing by must fade and all sense of competition must die until.........................you are single eyed on the ONE who alone holds the key to your release.
Then one day, when you least expect it, when you are enjoying this place of confinement so much that nothing matters any more, God knows He has your heart. When that happens, suddenly the gate is opened and the Master calls to you to come forth to follow Him and serve Him wherever He leads you.
