I feel out............of the cave, of the tunnel, of the grave. Now the outward manifestations of being out are not easily apparent to me yet I know I am out and getting ready to venture forth into our calling and destiny as Rivers of Eden. How do I know? By the Spirit. As we pray and wait on God in times of intimacy and worship, He is speaking to us in dreams, visions, and revelation. I move forth by faith on what is not seen to get me to the place to where what is seen is manifested.
The Word proves that to be true. Without faith, it is impossible to please God. Also it says that we walk by faith and not by sight. There is more but why don't you look up these verses by yourself. Then they can indeed settle into the foundation of your life, as they have mine.
So back to my thought. I see by faith that I am out of the tunnel and out of my dark night of the soul, which lasted intensely throughout most of 2008 and 2009. Those were years, as I have heard from many, of great trials, persecution, humiliation for the remnant. Many of us were lied about, slandered, gossipped about struggled through intense times. God was so silent during those times at the same time the enemy was constantly accusing me with lies and intimidation. BUT I DID NOT CAVE. :) I am still standing. Yay!
Some of us struggled with health issues. We also struggled with a loss of faith to a certain degree, discouragement and even depression. Hey I feel that I am just telling it like it is. I have decided that after all this time I just want to speak out this truth that is forming in me through experience.
The dark night of the soul left me silenced in the face of all that I went through. There was no defense on my behalf as people lied about us, called us all kinds of things. I am not exaggerating here. I did not let anyone know about this except a small group of trusted friends because in the silence facing my accusers, I had great strength imparted to me from the Lord. I learned to trust Him when I could not hear Him and to follow His voice when I could not see where I was going. It was all so good for me.
So what about you? Do you think I am writing this just to complain or bring glory to myself? No I am not. But you must know that we were 'going through' in some intense years. Along this path, the devil was so busy causing confusion and chaos around us. I called out to God and cried out to Him and all I could see at times was His gaze. But let me say, that I went a long time not sensing His manifest presence or hearing any particular word for me. But I walked by faith and not by sight.
Let me give you an example and then I will call it a day. The story in Kings about Elijah on Mount Carmel. Do you remember it? Well, remember that God told Elijah to pour water on the sacrifice and to keep pouring. He got that sacrifice so wet that there was no way that anything could have been set on fire except by God. And God came through. God had Elijah face an impossible situation just so that He could come through for him and show His glory. Pour water on it became my buzz words for these years.
Further explaining - stay with me. I felt like I had nothing - no life, no ministry. I felt that I was hidden and obscure and no one knew I was even alive. And one day in the midst of feeling lost and forgotten, an opportunity came my way to 'come out' via a ministry invitation.I smiled and I showed signs of hope. Here was some release from my cave. When, suddenly, I heard the Lord say "Debra, pour water on it!" I knew that the Lord meant - let this go. Pouring water meant, to me, that I was releasing the only thing I had at that time to even feel like I was called to do anything for Him. I faced the impossible. Without the Lord I was nothing and had nothing and this command was not making me feel any better. Pour water on it. I was pouring water on my desires and watching them fade away and trusting that the only way I would be moved out and up would be by His fire from heaven on the sacrifice of my life. Then He,and He alone would get glory from my life.
The Lord was saying to me "Let this go. Even though it looks like all you have to give you a measure of definition. Let it go.But...............as you pour water on your desires and you see them fade into oblivion, I will come through for you in My timing and My way."
So what happened? I turned it down and obeyed the Lord. I then looked around me and what did I have? Not much in the natural but I kept on walking despite great discouragement. I kept walking. I held onto the promise that when God moved me forth out of this time, He alone would get all honor and glory from my life. My life became His and each time a good idea came up to get me out of this dark time, I poured water on it and stayed in the fire and waited for Him. I focused on Him and looked at Him and here I stand.
What do I have? Him. I have deep in me a destiny and purpose that beats within me. I have a dream that was imparted to me from the throne of God of where my life will go..........He is faithful.
But so important is that I have found myself again. I found myself by losing myself in those years of 2008 and 2009. I lost my need for vindication. I lost my need to understand everything and to have my life all lined up the way I want it to go. I learned to forgive over and over and over, even when it hurt so much inside. I learned to love in a new way. A real love, not a corrupted love as I see so much around me.
There is more coming but let me take a breath and smile, leaving you now, knowing that God has indeed done a good work in my heart.
What comes into the light, is untouchable by the enemy. Truth is light and truth is Jesus Christ. So the testimony of Jesus is the Spirit of prophecy........................amen and amen.
Hi Debra,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say I totally understand and have been receiving the same thing over the last ten years or so. It's not easy from the institutional or just being comfortable in the "regular" Christian/churched life, because it jarrs you and totally screws that up. The word "remnant" hits things really dead-center bullseye, but is not an easy word to utter or say lightly, you know? It's hard, at least for me. The dream I linked to on my facebook comment about the "Feeling Outsde" picture really hits on that.
Bless you in Jesus!
You are not alone! God spent the last ten years (especially the last 3 years) bringing me out of my 'self' in order to bring me into a new reality, REAL LIFE in CHRIST. God said to me, "Detach your faith from all people, places and things." I am not exaggerating when I say that not one area of my life was left unchanged. My life now looks nothing, absolutely nothing like it did before. And this is a very good thing despite the trials, tests and tribulations I had to endure. I hadn't realized how dependent I was on the external. Before if you'd asked me whom I was dependent upon, without hesitation I would have said the Lord. But after I was silenced, stripped, and purged, I had to face the truth from a natural and a spiritual perspective, God's perspective. I had nothing and no one to fall back on but God! Sometimes the silence was literally so loud I'd put my hands over my ears. Sometimes the silence was so loud that it was actually deafening. There simply were and are no words to describe something so indescribable, so incredible and even if there were, who would believe me... Except those who've gone through it themselves. Still through it all I can honestly say, I have never felt more blessed because I can literally see, hear and feel the grace and mercy of God not by a human feeling or reasoning but by the Spirit. I see with a new pair of eyes but I can only see clearly when my gaze is fixed on the face of God. And there's no other place for me now and there's no other place I'd rather be except in the face of God. I asked to see what God sees. And God granted my request. The thing is only God can give me the revelation, the understanding and the wisdom to know what it is I'm seeing and how to apply it according to His Word and Spirit of Truth. I truly know with all my heart what come and find rest truly means. What I can't see is so much more real to me than what I can see, hear, feel, or touch. God is so good to us. So good. I AM A CHILD OF GOD, A DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH GOD, AND AN HEIR OF GOD! How humbled I am and how grateful I am to God for all He's done. I am totally in love and totally dependent upon God for everything! And there's no better place in heaven or on earth I'd rather be than safely tucked in the arms of Jesus, MY ALL IN ALL!
ReplyDeleteYou guys are great in what you write and such an encouragement to us and many others. So much hype and people trying to create illusions of what they want to creat and they often don't let God create. Don't want to withdraw but passion and total abandonment in me to God is consuming me. All or nothing. All faith and believe He is enough to release all of us into destiny without any help from current movements of forms..................
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