Injustice! Ouch!

Okay back to talking about horses........no I am not done yet talking about confinement and being corralled...............I will be within one week. The page turns for us when we arrive back in California on November 8. A new day and a new season. But until then.................

Confinement can either bring out the best in a person or the worst. It is all about how you perceive the journey. The Master takes us on this journey of separation. He calls us apart and He does it with a pure purpose - to capture our heart and to bring it under total submission to His Lordship. One can't quite experience this when one is running here and there, wild and free, untethered and immature. It is when one enters the corral of their own free will that they realize they have just made a decision that will make or break them, most probably both. This time will break you and then make and form you by God's hand. God gives us a free will and we can leave  this place any time we want. I personally did not want to leave because deep inside I knew that this was the path that would lead into greater relams of His presence. Greater suffering, greater glory. No matter how hard it got, no matter how many times I threatened to quit, no matter how much pain............I stayed in confinement and that was all by God's grace. In my weakness, He is strong.

In this place of confinement I want to talk about a few things before I go on to another subject in a few weeks.........today I want to deal with injustice. The injustice that I felt was coming at me, being confined, submitted.....in other words, I did not want to be in that place. Kind of like a little child and a mom talking. Goes something like this.

Child: I want to go out and play.
Mom: You can't go out and play.
Child: But I WANT to go out and play.
Mom: You can't go out and play.
Child: But I WANT TO.
Mom: But you can't.........because I said so.

Injustice. All the time I was in this place, as I was dying a slow death, to me it was not fair. It was not fair that others were moving ahead. It was not fair that I was obscure and hidden. Injustice. Simply not fair and there were days when my attitude showed it. I was angry and hurt for so many weeks. And those around me knew it..............I was not pleasant to be around for my family or friends.

In God's sovereignty, I saw that He brought me to this place. But as I looked around and saw others having so much favor in their lives and ministries, I questioned His love for me in what I considered the injustice of my situation. I can relate this to the bridle and saddle going on the horse perhaps..............these are meant to make a horse able to be tamed and ridden but they don't like it at first. And neither did I. I did not like that I could not have my own way. I just did not like it at all. It hurt. That is all I can say. It hurt so much and so deep.

What was God trying to get at in me? Jealousy, submission, trust.....and some other things. I had to come to that place that no matter where I was or what position I was in, I had to trust God and His sovereign plan for my life. I have to say to each of you that I truly felt inside that I was a radical Christian, sold out for Jesus, knowledgeable in the Word, passionate and wholeheartedly in love with Him. But as I spent time in this wilderness place, I saw that I really did not know what was inside of me. And it is in this place, that what is inside of you truly comes out. Why are we surprised anyway? Who ever said that we were perfect?  I was, and I say was, an angry, insecure woman..........in fact let me end with this.

While in this place, God spoke clearly to me one day and simply said this........strong and clear with the voice of a good Father........

"Debra..................do you want to be a Woman of God or a little girl all you life?"

My answer was clear. I want to be a Woman of God. Okay God....................lead on.